john daniel sparks

BOY SORT OF GROWS UP
By J.D. SPARKS, jdisaporta@hotmail.com 

   So, my headlines need some work, give me a break. I'm only a month in.
   Man, I am digging this job. I feel lucky that I am one of the few people my age or not who does not hate their life when they have to go to work.
   Lucky. Luck. I had a discussion with Tia the other day about how I don't believe in luck. Well, I mean, luck as some random, discriminate force that bestows good fortune to a person.
   Tia. She's great. Another reason why I'm such a lucky dude. I'm not really one to gush, but man oh man, that girl is special.
   Casey. I can be a not-the-greatest friend to him, but we can spend two hours together and it's as if nothing has changed. 
   We hung out for two hours last weekend. The first 90 minutes were about how we have both gotten into Batman comics. The last half hour was catching up. I loved it. 
   I'm reading A Death in the Family. It's pretty cool, but if you are a comic fan or not, I highly suggest Year One and The Dark Knight Returns. 
   Or the The Killing Joke. The Joker is a fucking mad man.
   Despite my new-found love of comics, I am finding it easier to relate to adult men. Well, maybe. If all else fails, I talk about fantasy football.
   OK, so maybe that's all I have to relate to them about.
   Also, Magic: The Gathering and I are sort of having a falling out. It's sad, but I just don't have any time!
   And speaking of card games, I won a poker tournament last night with my friends. 
   I miss the opposing feelings of sitting around the table, shooting the shit with people I enjoy being around while also wanting to take their money.
   As much as I don't believe in luck, I love the concept and do consider myself lucky. Weird. I'm born under the Chinese Zodiac sign of the rabbit. I put absolutely no weight into that shit, but it's still a cool concept.
   I want a wolf tattoo to honor my mom. Tia suggested a wolf eating a rabbit because of the whole luck thing.
   Way bad-ass idea, I loved it, but we were pretty sure it wouldn't look good as a tattoo and I don't know how it would affect the homage part of it.
   I'm also finally starting the Lord of the Rings trilogy, which will be the subject of Emily and me's tattoo.
   I have great friends. All of them. I really appreciate those of you I fell out of contact with for whatever reason.
   As selfish as it is, you have impacted me and helped make me who I am today and for that, I will always be grateful and appreciative and you will always be remembered. 
   All of you.

i'm not stronger than a freight train or faster than a speeding bullet i can't leap tall buildings in a single bound.
and two of my best friends are leaving for the military and another one's moving to houston.
it's happening way too quickly.
growing up is happening way too quickly.
i lucked into a decent sports writing job for the wabash newspaper. had my first by line last saturday.
it's tough to keep up with.

and as quickly as we're all becoming adults, all i want to do is read comics.

i'm home. for good. summer sales isn't my thing. houston's marked off my placesimightwanttolive list, but san antonio is a different story. that place was beautiful. i still would like to visit austin. i hear it's awesome. well, actually, i just heard it was weird, but that sounds awesome.

chris's little sister is asleep on the loveseat to my left, but her eyes are open. creepy.

so! the san antonio chapter of my life has come and is in the process of going. our office is being relocated to houston. i'm pumped. and soon after, i'll be working in gnashville.

yesterday we went to a parking lot to watch planes land it was a nice change of events. being so closed in for so many days straight kind of sucks, so being so out-in-the-open was awesome. being in a big city is awesome, but maybe notsomuch when you're broke.

life's good and i can't wait to see everyone when i get back.

san antonnio's sky is amazing.
walking around for roughly 7 hours each day gives a lot of time for introspection.
not being able to drink at the apartment gives a lot of clarity to that introspection.
and holy cow have i made a lot of mistakes...especially in my recent decisions in women.
fuck it. not getting married anytime soon.
heart broken in texas. what a cliche' country song. even if it is a half-ass heartbreak. how badass.


going on day four without a cigarette.

i'm leaving for san antonio in five days for the summer. not sure if i'm pumped or what.

and sex doesn't complicate things.

i've been looking through my old exploding_boy05 journal entries. i like them. i found this:

o1. Reply with your name and I will write something about you.
o2. I will then tell what song/movie remind me of you.
o3. If I were to apply an o'clock to you, it would be...
o4. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
o5. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
o6. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
o7. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.

do it.

i overthink things i shouldn't and it's to a pretty crazy degree. that's probably why i am overbearing or sometimes awkward.

cigarettes help that, though. i didn't believe emily o.

i'm so pissed i like lolcatz now.

Looking at the cat's balls

Charles Bukowski

sitting here by the window
sweating beer sweat
mauled by the summer
I am looking at the cat's balls.

it's not my choice
he sleeps in an old rocker
on the porch
and there he looks at me--
from behind--
hung to his cat's balls.

there's his tail, damned thing,
hanging out of the
way--
I view his furry storage tanks--
what can a man think about
while looking at a cat's nuts?
certainly not the sunken navies of
great sea battles.
certainly not a program to aid the
poor.
certainly not a flower market or a dozen
eggs.
certainly not a broken light switch.

ball iz balls, that's all--
and most certainly a cat's balls,
my own are rather mushy-looking, and,
I'm told by my contemporaries,
quite large:
"you've got a lot of balls, Bukowski!"

but the cat's balls:
I can't figure whether he's hung to them
or whether there hung to him--
you see, there is this almost nightly battle for
the female--
and it doesn't come easy for any on us.

you see there--
a piece is missing from his left ear.
one time I though one of his eyes had been
clawed out
but when the dried mass of
blood peeled away
a week later
there was this pure
goldgreen eye
looking at me.

his entire body is sore from bites
and the other day,
attempting to pet his head
he yowled and almost bit me--
that fur skin around his skull, bloodless,
had been split to reveal the bone.
it doesn't come easy for any of us.
those cat's balls, poor fellow.

he sleeps
now dreaming--
what?--
a fat mockingbird in his mouth?--
or surrounded by cat bitches in heat?--
he dreams his daydreams
and will find out
tonight.

good luck, old fellow,
it doesn't come easy,
hung to our balls we are, that's it,
we're hung to our balls,
and I could use a little myself--
meanwhile--
watch the eyes and lead with the left
and run like hell
when it just isn't any use
any more.

ho. ly. hell. i'm taking a much-needed break for once.